2012 Lessons Learned

I've never been one to create a list of New Year's resolutions.  I mean, it's said that by February 14th, something like 90% of the population have abandoned their NY's resolutions.  (This is not factual, but generally speaking it's high.)  I'm more of a believer in making small adjustments throughout the year to stay on course. 

So rather than looking ahead a promises I know I won't keep in 2013, I'm looking back to remind myself what I've learned in 2012 and how I may change my habits,  stay on course, arrive in a happy place in 2013. 

Lessons I learned in 2012:

1.  Know where you're going and what you want to do when you get there.  This is more important than worrying about the course you'll take to get there.  There are going to be potholes, traffic jams and detours that you can't predict and you can't control.  Just be prepared, knowing they're lurking out there, make adjustments as you encounter them and drive on. 

2.  Everything needs refreshing from time to time.  If you're a type A personality (like myself) you are contantly improving yourselft.  Whereas my husband doesn't like to change anything.  I feel that while things are good, things that aren't can easily be re-done.  By re-done I don't mean throwing out the baby with the bathwater, I mean change your perspective, to give it a fresh look. 

• I hate long lines at the grocery store!  So, I set the alarm, get up early and go when I can browse with a cup of coffee. 
• I hate paying bills every Sunday morning!  I claim Sunday's to be "me" days, and so I'll take a few minutes every night to pay bills... so Sunday mornings are mine.   
• I hate getting mad at my spouse for not helping out around the house!  I don't know we'll ever win the battle on this one, but I've now designated days of the week for specific chores.  Monday is "swish and swipe", Friday is "laundry".  They need to be told what to do, they like routine, and they don't like a mountain of tasks.  So tell them what's expected and give them a timeline in which to do it.  Do it together and make the promise that you'll make it fun. 

So, fresh air is marvelous.  Many people fear change but everyone loves fresh air.  So think of it as a walk outdoors to get some cool, clean, and invigorating perspective. 

3.  Calendars are deceiving.  They were meant to help us remember "important" dates, but in reality fail to capture things that make the year meaningful.  Our lives consist of a long list of daily "to do's".  When we cross off that task it makes us feel as if we've accomplished something.  Does the list of accomplishments identify when we've had fun? 

Vacations are also deceiving.  We stress out at work preparing for our time off.  We can never relax when we reach our destination, until the last day when we're preparing to go home.  When we return we feel obligated to work twice as hard to "catch up".  Will the world really spin out of control if you're not there to hold the pin? 

Take a real vacation.  Throw all plans out the window and live spontaneously.  I mean don't forget to feed the dog or abandon the kids - just decide that vacation means fun and make it a goal to have fun.  Schedule "fun days" or even "fun weeks" on the calendar and cross them off if you must - as a sense of accomplishment. It makes all the other obligatory calendar dates worth their weariness. 

4.  Make friends.  I've learned there is never such a thing as too many friends.  Make the right kind of friends.  This is important.  You need as many kinds of friends as you do facets of your personality. If you're a Mom, you need other Moms but don't limit yourself to that.  If you feel rebellious, hook up with some rebels.  If you like certain kinds of films, find someone who does too and bring them into your fold.  Your friends don't have to know each other or even know of one another.  Keep them to yourself, and wear them like you would accessories.  Pearls for Sunday, diamonds for black-tie affairs, and chunky-funky for Friday nights.  Their individual traits will help to provide the support you need for various moods.  It also makes you a better, stronger, more interesting friend to others.

5.  Cultivate your interests.  Since I was young I ripped photos and articles from magazines and put them into scrapbooks.  I've make lists of books I want to read and movies I want to see.  If something catches your eye - research it and learn more about. it.  This year I learned how to blog, how to weld and how to cook.  Albeit I'm not the best blogger, welder or cook on the planet but I cultivated those interests and have enjoyed learning about them.    It has opened a door to some unexpected benefits. 

I stumbled across a group of bloggers who post photos each month in a group dashboard.  It's interesting learning about other people who are inspirational and talented. 

My welding has promoted a passion among my friends for collecting metal scraps.  They find interesting pieces and can't wait to see how I'll weld them together.  

My interest in cooking opened the door to several fun adventures in 2012.  A trip to a Zinfandel and fine dining festival in California, then a Titanic dinner party in April and a Hitchcock film festival in June.  My recipe box is full of new and interesting culinary combinations and so is my photo scrapbook of fun times. 

6.  Keep tuned in.  We focus too much sometimes on ourselves.  What we want.  What we don't want.  What is going wrong.  What others are doing to us.  Step back from the crowd and observe.  Know that you're never alone.  Others are watching you - always.  As an observer you have a perspective that someone within the thick of things may not see.  This is wisdom that can be used to keep yourself calm and make smart decisions. 

Practice the art of supporting other people with kind words.  It's not complicated but most people are rusty at it.  How often do you hear "bless you" when someone sneezes?  Is it kind of surprising when you do?  I know it was for me.  Kind words like "great scarf" or "cute photo" or "happy birthday" can go a long way.  Just think how others will perceive you when you get into the practice of doing it for everyone.  (Even that office bee-och... you know the one.) 

7.  Go with your impulses.  I don't know if this is just a trait of women or the creative mind, but I've learned to act on some of my impulses.  I'm not talking about addictive impulses - like shopping or eating - I mean mood impulses.  In February I wrote about swapping out a simple pair of gloves for brightly colored red ones.  The mood struck me to lighten my spirits with a bit of color.  As a result I had a conversation with a stranger in an elevator over how color lifts our mood in the drab of winter.  What was important is that I had a conversation with a stranger, we interacted, and it touched both our lives.  Ripple effect.  Think of yourself as a pebble God throws into a pond.  Make your ripple a positive one. 

8.  Don't ignore the people nearest you.  I tend to make broad plans.  Sometimes a bigger than my little life can handle.  I tend to ignore the effect on my husband and dog, the two nearest my world.  They are fortunately patient with me as I move through my life like a wind storm.  This is something I'm still working on.  How to balance caring too much (yes this is possible...) and caring too little.  The balance of three lives, living together, making mistakes, forgiving and moving on.

9.  When there's too much to do... make the list shorter.  Give up trying to be perfect!  Who is going to care if you do things a little more simply? 

Divide and conquer.  Divide the list and delegate to others.  If you're throwing a shin-dig, make sure others have a role.  In business we call it skin in the game.  A good approach to take with holiday obligations, household chores, and lists. 

10.  Laugh.  Find life funny and laugh at it.  Many of my observations this year involved people watching.  Humans are funny.  We can't help it.  Find the funny wherever you go, and you'll always have a smile on your face.